I hate celebrities. To me, they are like the monkeys you see dancing around in old movies while a street vendor grinds an organ. No one asked these monkeys about their personal lives, their feelings, their political views, etc. so why do we care what actors and actresses have to say? These people show in their personal lives how dumb they are so why should we look to them for any type of advice?

I recently saw an episode "Larry King Live." The guest host was Ryan Seacrest, whose guests were Paul McCartney's wife, Alec Baldwin, and Dennis Kucinich. The panel was discussing the breeding of cats and dogs for their fur. WTF? Who wears dog fur? Who breeds these dogs? Who cares what Alec Baldwin has to say on the matter? "Tonight a special discussion between an ambiguously gay television host, a celebrity's wife, a bloated washed-up actor, and a failed politician!" I'm sure the ratings went through the roof. How did they decide the topic? Global warming, world peace, feeding the poor - nobody cares about these issues! Let's get a has-been and two never-wases in here to talk about cat fur!

And Kucinich! Please! This guy was one of the candidates for the 2004 Democratic presidential nomination, a group which surely has been inducted as an all-star team into the bad lid hall of fame. Kucinich, Al Sharpton, and Dick Gephardt must have been offensive to hair stylists around the nation. And John Edwards looked more like a Ken doll than a politician. As a matter of fact, I don't think it's even been proven that he was anatomically correct.

There's been a lot of talk about Air America Radio, a supposed liberal reaction to conservative talk radio. Who are the big hosts? Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo. Yes, Stuart Smalley and the chick who made a career out of looking frumpy and calling herself ugly. People are supposed to listen to them? What's next, life and death issues discussed by Matt Leblanc and Will Ferrell? Well, no, even worse....

Some unemployed actor whose claim to fame is being on M.A.S.H. (which went off the air almost 25 years ago) was all over TV defending Tookie Williams. What??? Is Radar going to pop up and discuss federal spending? Will Klinger be the first cross-dressing fictional character to run for president? This guy emerges from a quarter century of obscurity and doesn't even have the decency to crack a joke (with a horrible laugh track) - he just goes straight into lecturing us? It's mind-boggling.

The purpose of these people's lives is to entertain us. It's not to enlighten us or educate us, it's to entertain us. The sole reason they are born, live, and die is let Joe Sixpack of Omaha laugh for a half an hour every Tuesday night; it's not to improve his existence. I want to just reach into the TV, shake them, and yell, "Shut up and dance, monkey!"

Seacrest out!